Voodoo Time Dot Com

From the folks who bring you Chapel Perilous, comes…

Chapel Furnace

The Furnace is the new political discussion forum spun-off from the Chapel; which should now keep the Chapel april-fresh and pundit-free. As a Chapeler, I’ve been invited to post at the Furnace, which I will surely do, so if arguing with a truckload of free-thinkers excites you or infuriates you, feel free to come on over.

The next time you find yourself arguing with a fool, remember…

From The Dhammapada:
If a fool be associated with a wise man even all his life, he does not perceive the truth even as a spoon does not perceive the taste of soup.

If you’re looking to get some insight into a weird pet, perhaps you should consult the Zodiac. I haven’t been able to find any pet horoscopes yet though - which is disappointing but understandable I guess. I suppose there’s not a lot of potential for variation in a dog’s life.

Aries: Your restless spirit may drive you to sniff around the house for any food that may have been dropped on the floor. However, you should try to take some time to enjoy the simple joy of licking your own butt. Prepare for conflict in the afternoon; mail carrier plays a part.

Taurus: Misunderstandings are probable today, so it’s best to avoid casual sniffing of others’ private parts. Instead, enjoy the quiet solitude of a roll in the mud. Reestablish boundaries by urinating on anything stationary.

You get the idea…

OK, so if you haven’t noticed, activity has been especially low on VTDC lately - even relative to my typically lackadaisical blogging habits. With the apartment search, and the later work hours I’ve been keeping, it’s been tough to think of anything funny or interesting enough about which to write more than a couple paragraphs. Instead, I’ve taken to writing no paragraphs - which isn’t really any fun for anyone.

So I’ve decided to change things around a little for the time being to hopefully encourage me to write a little more often. Instead of the longer posts I usually do, I’m going to try to do shorter ones more often - at least until after the move. So for the next month or so, I hope to be around more often with a little less to say. We’ll see how that goes.

If you’re still visiting, thanks again for sticking around! If you’re not… well we never really liked you anyway.

Bye for now!

38 hours, 16 minutes and counting until the Galileo space probe goes screaming into the Jovian atmosphere at 108,000 miles per hour.

Galileo mission recap:

2.9 Billion miles traveled
First spacecraft to rendezvous with an asteroid
First glimpse of a tiny “moon” orbiting an asteroid
Sent home dynamite pictures of the Shoemaker-Levy impacts
Detected a salt water ocean under the moon Europa

Now, in order to keep from accidentally contaminating a moon (like Europa) with any stowaway Earth germs, NASA/JPL has flung the craft on a collision course with a planet so massive that its core is believed to contain metallic liquid hydrogen.

So long, Galileo. Now, it’s on to Saturn with the Cassini-Huygens probe. And if you thought the Europa fly-by was cool, just wait until we land on Titan!

Very busy. [Stop]
Working long hours. [Stop]
Will write something new soon. [Stop]
No… really! [Stop]
Remember to talk like a pirate tomorrow. [Stop]
Love you all. [Stop]
Please send money. [Stop]

I have received my sample ballot for the upcoming gubernatorial recall election. After reviewing the candidates, I have determined that there is no way I can make a choice without hating myself in the morning.

So, I’ve decided that if I’m going to compromise my integrity, then there ought to be something in it for me. That is why I have decided to sell my vote.

For Sale: One vote in the California statewide special election on October 7, 2003.

(1) Danish, donut, bagel, or other pastry (if available in polling area)

Please make your bids in the comments section. Bidding begins immediately, and will continue until October 6, 2003. I will also consider products or services in trade or barter!

I just posted over at Chapel Perilous about a Swiss man whom I admire named Erich von Daniken. The reason I admire Mr. von Daniken is not that he is a prolific author, having sold well over 50 million books worldwide. It is not that he has appeared on several successful television programs or even that he has built his own theme park. I admire Erich von Daniken because he has an idea that annoys a lot of people.

Von Daniken’s controversial theory, in a nutshell, is that ancient astronauts from another world visited our planet in prehistoric times and performed genetic experiments with primitive primates. By mixing their alien DNA with that of various apes, these extraterrestrial scientists created humankind. This is precisely the kind of idea that is likely to irritate a lot of people. If there is anything that can unite the Creationists and the Darwinists, it’s this idea of the martian-monkey-man. And nothing good ever comes from that.

On first pass, the whole thing does sound a bit silly, or at the very least unlikely. But with an open mind, on the surface at least, it makes a little sense. Consider, for example, the recent findings that humans and chimpanzees share over 98% of our genetic recipe. But with that 2% difference, we have had the greatest impact on the planet of any species that has ever lived. Of course, many results of that impact make me think that this whole experiment could have done with one or two more iterations.

So to our hypothetical alien forebears, I’d just like to say that this joke isn’t funny anymore. I think it’s been abundantly clear for millenia now that this whole civilization thing is not working out as planned. In our currrent form, it appears that the ape to alien ratio is skewed a bit too much toward the former. I don’t know if you guys are still checking in on us, but if so, how about another shot of smart? This gene pool could use a little more chlorine.

On a side note, I’ve always thought that monkeys in human clothes was really funny. Now I’m starting to wonder if it’s really just a little ironic.

Bye for now.

So it’s time to move again. We moved here about 3 weeks before I started this site back in March 2002. Since then, I’ve changed jobs. Now driving 60 miles, and spending between two and three hours in the car each weekday is beginning to command an unacceptable share of my time and is gradually sapping my will to live.

Now in the interest of saving money on gas and Zoloft, the only solution seems to be to move closer to where I work in West L.A. And as I do not make the requisite six-figure income necessary to afford a home in this God-forsaken town, we will be moving into another apartment.

As bad an attitude as I sometimes have about apartment living, it can actually be a pretty sweet deal. Probably the greatest convenience is the fact that I never have to spend a weekend afternoon behind a lawnmower. Instead, this is accomplished by no fewer than three dozen landscapers with lawnmowers, leaf-blowers, and jack-hammers at 4:30am each Saturday morning. Similarly, should the flushing action in our toilet spontaneously reverse itself, launching a septic geyser all over the bathroom, I don’t have to fix it. No indeed. I merely need to call the front office, and wait one to three days until someone from Facilities can come by to snake out the can.

Now we just have to wade through the whitewash of ambiguity spilled all over the classifieds. Apparently, every apartment in the greater Los Angeles area is “charming, spacious, and bright” and in a “great neighborhood”. Risking a clichéd what they say vs. what they mean routine, I’d like to take a moment to clear up the smoke to expose these slumlords’ devious schemes.

“Bright” - The walls are painted white.

“Will consider pets“ - …for a $500 deposit.

“Airy” - Keep the windows open, because this place has no air-conditioning.

“Month-to-month rent” - $1100 this month, $1200 next month, $1500 the next month…

“Panoramic view” - …of the freeway.

I’m starting to think that the best that we can hope for is a closet in a crackhouse next to the airport.

…umm, I mean a “Charming junior suite, centrally-located, shopping nearby”.

Bye for now.