We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…
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On Tuesday, I learned a painful lesson about growing older. I have a sunburn… on my head.
I’m one of those lucky guys who began battling male-pattern baldness at about 21 years of age, and now at 26, the end of the battle is near, and the reinforcements have not arrived. So I’m in that period of awkward hair styles where there’s just nothing I can do to make things any better, and I still haven’t gotten drunk enough yet to shave it all off.
Anyway, I ate lunch al fresco on Tuesday in beautiful, and very sunny Santa Monica. When you’ve had hair all your life, there are things you never think about. One of these things is UV protection for your scalp, as this is arguably the most utilitarian feature of hair. Just one hour in the midday Southern California sun changed all that for me in a hurry. After such brutal punishment from our neighborhood star, hats are the order of the day from now on. But in the meantime my head is red and painful. Soon it will be itchy and flaky, and I’ll look as if I have the mange - which is cool in its own countercultural way, I suppose. I mean… who gets the mange?
And now, on to the matter of my mid-life crisis. If I’m going to lose my hair early, I might as well get the earring and sportscar out of the way too. And when all you other guys are having your respective crises around 50, I’ll have had mine over twenty years ago. By then I’ll already be well-adjusted in my snappy driving cap, waiting to welcome you all to the club with a scotch and soda.
Bye for now.
While scientifically classified as fruit, tomatoes in the United States are lawfully vegetables - having been designated thus by the Supreme Court in 1893.