Recently, I was given the hateful task of procuring adapters for telephone and power jacks in five European countries.
Here are the power plugs for every nation in the world. Don’t forget your converter if your device is not dual-voltage. Most of the rest of the world uses 220V-240V. The U.S. and Canada use 120V.
And here is a place you can buy all the phone adapters.
Better yet - just don’t go anywhere. It’s all a big pain in the ass anyway…
“Listen to the silence. And when the silence is deafening, you are sitting in the center of your own universe.”
“Friends are just enemies in reverse.”
“We are given people ingredients from another level.”
“History always has a wagon. This is the wagon of time to chronicle what happened. I clearly see the wagon is not ready yet. God willing, when this wagon’s conditions in terms of time and documentation are fulfilled, we can talk about it. I do not regret what I did. I was sincere in all I said.”
Ah yes… Mo is back.
I am writing this entry from a hotel room in San Diego. I won’t mention the chain, but it rhymes with Hilton. The only way to access the Internet from the room is through the hotel’s TV Internet service with a wireless keyboard. So the cool part is that this is the first entry I’ve ever written in bed. The uncool part is that the resolution on the TV is so bad that I can hardly see what I’m writing. I’m pretty certain I’m not getting any better than about 320×240 out of the idiot box.
I don’t really have much else to talk about, except to mention that there are two toilet paper rolls in the bathroom - one dispensing a flimsy smooth-textured paper; the other a thicker, coarsely-textured 2-ply. I’m not sure what that’s all about, but I think it’s something like The Matrix - except I don’t know which is the blue pill and which is the red. I’m worried about making the wrong decision.
I think I’ll just hold it.
For some time now I’ve been growing increasingly interested in the study of physics. For those who have mentally blocked such unpleasant high school memories, physics is the science of matter and energy and the interactions thereof. Physics is simultaneously the study of the very smallest components of the universe, and of the very largest forces and bodies in the universe - including the very universe itself. The ultimate goal of physics, in a nutshell, is to discover the rules under which all forces in the universe interact. The end result being definitive methods by which anything in the universe could be calculated with reasonable precision.
Fascinating. But this all smells suspiciously of mathematics…
And not surprisingly, this is, indeed, the case. Unfortunately there is only so far one can delve into the study of physics before a fairly sophisticated understanding of math is required. This presents a bit of a problem for such as myself, as I officially do not do math. This is not to say that I do not have a fundamental understanding of mathematical concepts. I can, for example, quite easily find the hypotonotoneuesse of a right triangle (given the lengths of the other two sides, of course) despite the fact that I cannot spell it. Beyond high school algebra, however, I am completely inept.
So, in the interest of personal embetterment, I have taken it upon myself to learn calculus. And furthermore, in the interest of not increasing my current student loan debt, I will be teaching myself. In legal circles it is said that he who represents himself in a court of law has a fool for a client. And I am convinced that he who teaches himself calculus stands amongst an entire classroom of fools.
But consider this. Isaac Newton was probably the most brilliant man of his day. He discovered that the force that caused bodies on Earth to fall the the ground was the very same force that kept the Earth itself in the spinning grasp of the sun. It was Newton who discovered that white light was the aggregate of every color in the visible spectrum, and it was he who first separated them through a prism. And when Newton found that the mathematical constructs of the day were insufficient for the complex calculations he was doing, he invented calculus. He did all of this by the age of 25.
I am 26. I bought a book.
Me go learn to math good…
Bye for now.
So if West Nile Virus and the SARS weren’t enough to keep one inside these days, it looks like a new player is on the scene just in time for bikini season. Better start stockpiling the calamine lotion, because Monkeypox is coming to town.
Monkeypox was discovered in 1970 in Africa - where all the best diseases come from. The symptoms show up around twelve days after exposure - which makes this one ripe for vector all over the world in no time. Symptoms include fever, headache, swollen lymph nodes, and the trademark bumpy rash. However, banana cravings and preoccupation with one’s own fecal matter are not symptomatic of Monkeypox. These are actually merely symptoms of toddlerhood - a condition affecting most humans between the ages of two and four years of age.
At this time, large packs of tiny, ground-dwelling monkeys are loose across the midwest spreading contagion among the human populace. As Monkeypox is spread by exposure to direct contact with bodily fluids, it is hypothesized that these animals are breaking into homes and using the residents’ toothbrushes. They are also known to steal fine woolen dresswear. The reasons for these behaviors are as yet unclear.
A wise man once told me, “Never trust a monkey.” Only now do I finally see the wisdom in that admonition. And only now do I feel remorse for having him institutionalized. That wise man is gone now, but his wisdom remains, and I am able to pass it on to you now. Never, but never, trust a monkey - especially one with minty breath wearing a sportcoat.
Bye for now.
Well, after an unannounced two-day absence, we’re back online. Apparently, my esteemed domain registrar does not send renewal notices, and I managed to let voodootime.com expire.
Luckily, I noticed it in time to renew. Many thanks also to the Minister of Squeaky Music who, noticing the site’s registration had expired, donated his time and $14.95 to keep VTDC from falling into the wrong hands.
So, now that we’re back, it’s on with the show. I’ll be back later with this week’s health update.
Learn a foreign language.
Pretend to be a cab driver and talk into your rear-view mirror.
Listen to talk radio with the bass cranked up and your windows rolled down. Rhythmically bob your head.
Read a book or the newspaper. Just be sure to cut a horizontal strip out of the center so you can still see the road.
Build a sun shield for your side window with sticky notes.
Grow a moustache.
Bounce quarters into the ashtray.
Try taking off your socks without removing your shoes.
Practice Morse Code with your car’s horn.
Pretend not to watch people pretending not to pick their noses.
Make your own list of things to do in LA traffic instead of impaling yourself in desperation on your own shift lever.
So, in the history of this website, there have been two posts that have become overnight, runaway successes. These two articles gather more readers in a week than all of my other entries combined. You might think this would encourage me because, afterall, I’ve written some stuff I really like,
like this
or this.
Then there’s this one.
And I think this one is pretty good…
But alas, Voodootime’s Greatest Hits™ are not the same as The Best of Voodootime™. No… so far my two most popular entries ever are the time I published the words to the Spongebob Squarepants theme in Spanish, and the time I mentioned that I like this new show on TNN. So people looking for this kind of information might do a little search on Google, and find this site. This has happened many, many times…
The score so far…
Spongebob: approx. 1800 hits since December
Most Extreme Elimination Challenge: over 1300 hits in a single month
So with this in mind, I would like to take this opportunity to introduce the Voodootime.com Cracker Jack™ doctrine. From now on, every post will include at least one paragraph detailing some television show or other random bit of pop culture. Just think of it as the cheap plastic toy that sells the box.
So whether this is your first visit, or just your first visit today, I’d like to thank you for stopping by. And I’ll just close for now by saying, AMERICAN IDOL, THE MATRIX, BRITNEY SPEARS NAKED!!!