So it’s time to move again. We moved here about 3 weeks before I started this site back in March 2002. Since then, I’ve changed jobs. Now driving 60 miles, and spending between two and three hours in the car each weekday is beginning to command an unacceptable share of my time and is gradually sapping my will to live.
Now in the interest of saving money on gas and Zoloft, the only solution seems to be to move closer to where I work in West L.A. And as I do not make the requisite six-figure income necessary to afford a home in this God-forsaken town, we will be moving into another apartment.
As bad an attitude as I sometimes have about apartment living, it can actually be a pretty sweet deal. Probably the greatest convenience is the fact that I never have to spend a weekend afternoon behind a lawnmower. Instead, this is accomplished by no fewer than three dozen landscapers with lawnmowers, leaf-blowers, and jack-hammers at 4:30am each Saturday morning. Similarly, should the flushing action in our toilet spontaneously reverse itself, launching a septic geyser all over the bathroom, I don’t have to fix it. No indeed. I merely need to call the front office, and wait one to three days until someone from Facilities can come by to snake out the can.
Now we just have to wade through the whitewash of ambiguity spilled all over the classifieds. Apparently, every apartment in the greater Los Angeles area is “charming, spacious, and bright” and in a “great neighborhood”. Risking a clichéd what they say vs. what they mean routine, I’d like to take a moment to clear up the smoke to expose these slumlords’ devious schemes.
“Bright” – The walls are painted white.
“Will consider pets“ – …for a $500 deposit.
“Airy” – Keep the windows open, because this place has no air-conditioning.
“Month-to-month rent” – $1100 this month, $1200 next month, $1500 the next month…
“Panoramic view” – …of the freeway.
I’m starting to think that the best that we can hope for is a closet in a crackhouse next to the airport.
…umm, I mean a “Charming junior suite, centrally-located, shopping nearby”.
Bye for now.