Recently, it seems that there is a resurgence in the popularity of superheroes. With movies like Spider-man and X-Men raking in millions of dollars in ticket sales, our childhood heroes are more popular than they’ve been in decades. Obviously, we’re looking at some kind of cultural phenomenon here. So what is it about these comic book crime fighters that enthralls us?
Maybe it’s all the capes and spandex jumpsuits. I’m not sure when we all agreed that crime fighting is best executed in skin-tight leotards, but so be it. Maybe the bright-colored, muscle-hugging body socks intimidate super villains or something. I can buy that, I guess. The cape thing is a little harder to understand. Somehow I find it hard to believe that Superman has never snagged that thing on a tree. Come to think of it, as tight as those leggings are, I find it hard to believe that Superman has never snagged his thing on a tree. Alright, so it’s probably a moot point because, as cool as the costumes are, I think there is actually only one thing that really excites us about superheroes.
Big boobs. Comic books are full of enormous breasts. In fact, I suspect that superheroines draw all their power from their mammoth chests and channel that power into doing good for mankind. Hooray for boobies!
But I digress. The best thing about being a superhero is the superpowers. Who doesn’t wish they could do something that no one else can do? I’m not talking about uncle Marvin who can belch the alphabet backwards in greek. I mean flying, disappearing, superhuman strength, super stretchy limbs, and communication with sea creatures. Actually, scratch that last one. No one really likes Aquaman anyway.
So lame superpowers aside, we’ve still got a hefty list of great ones.
Flying: Old guard, but still very popular. Fast travel, and it freaks people out.
Super Strength: Very common in superheroes. Super strength is very handy for taking out bad guys en masse.
Invisibility: A great way to get out of tight situations. Get the drop on villains everytime.
Teleportation: Very X-Men. One of the cooler and most underrated superpowers. The whole idea of being able to be wherever you want instantaneously is really cool. Until recently, if I could choose just one superpower, teleportation would be it. However…
A friend recently shared with me the best superpower ever. I mean it. This could put down the Justice League, the X-Men, the Avengers, and the Fantastic Four all at the same time. It is truly a devious and devastating power. It is the power to make anyone crap their pants anywhere at any time. Think about it.
There needs to be a comic book about this. Any ideas?