Voodoo Time Dot Com

Somehow in the last few weeks, I’ve heard about a phenomenon called Spontaneous Human Invisibility. This is reminiscent of the somewhat more urgent phenomenon of Spontaneous Human Combustion in which a person allegedly bursts into flames with no apparent, external causality. The invisibility condition is sometimes referred to as Spontaneous Human Involuntary Invisibility (SHII), suggesting that this often happens to people against their will. Oddly enough, Spontaneous Human Combustion is never called Spontaneous Human Involuntary Combustion. Perhaps it’s implied.

I find curious the stipulation that this is a human condition. Is this because this affects only human beings? If so, I feel animal research is needed in order to find the genetic differences that prevent all non-human animals from being affected. More likely, I feel that the condition does affect animals (especially cats), but is simply underreported.

Here at Voodoo Time Dot Com, we (I) investigate the tough issues so you don’t have to. The following is a brief synopsis of the symptoms of Spontaneous Human Involuntary Invisibility. As one might expect, SHII is a condition under which a person momentarily becomes completely transparent and inaudible. Reportedly, one’s clothing and anything he/she is carrying disappears along with the subject. Once invisible, the victim is completely unable to communicate with others. Many SHII patients will fall victim to more than a single event of spontaneous involuntary invisibility. It is unclear whether corporeal contact (e.g., kicking the nearest non-invisible person) has any effect.

I propose that SHII is merely a problem of perception. In fact, in a recent poll that I just made up, invisibility ranked second only to teleportation as the most desired superhuman ability. I believe the very real problem here is not the invisibility event itself, but rather the attitude of the afflicted. While a state of invisibility may be a hindrance to certain activities (crossing the street, and using the bathroom standing up are two that come immediately to mind), it is clear that the benefits (creeping people out, and petty larceny) far outweigh the disadvantages.

I propose an international convention of SHII sufferers in order to raise public awareness of this baffling medical anomaly. There would be support workshops and voluntary medical tests for those willing to submit to a series of (mostly) painless scientific experimentation into their condition. I would like to take this opportunity to formally offer my services as a keynote speaker. While I do not have any credible expertise in this field, I just think it would be really fun to watch audience members randomly wink in and out of sight.

Bye for now.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 18th, 2002 at 10:40 pm and is filed under Weird. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.