Voodoo Time Dot Com

A lot of things go through one’s mind as one is glued to the toilet.

First, lest you assume that I am about to share something uncomfortably biological, allow me to clarify. When I say “glued to the toilet,” I do not refer to having to go to the bathroom a lot. I mean glued… to the toilet.

Krazy-Glued to the toilet.

And when I say “as one is glued to the toilet,” what I actually mean is “as I was Krazy-Glued to the toilet seat last night.”

Perhaps, an explanation is in order. See, the toilet seat developed a small crack about a week ago, and yesterday I noticed it was getting worse. Being the handy sort of guy I am, I pulled out a tube of Krazy-Glue™ and set to putting the seat back together. I guess somewhere along the way, I managed to set my right index finger on a drop of glue. I did not notice this until I stood up to find only nine fingers free.

Now if there is one thing we know about Krazy-Glue™ from the warning on the tube, it is that it “bonds skin instantly.” With no one else around, and only a few drawers within my immediate grasp, I was immediately down to two options.
1. Detach the toilet seat from the bowl and walk around with the seat attached to my hand as I search for something with which to remove it.
2. Gnaw off my finger to get free.

I opted for the former. Within my reach, I had the following tools: plastic comb, nail file, and a hair clip. As I began planning the best way to pry off the seat, I realized my selection of tools was not going to get this job done. I ran through the drawers one last time on the off chance that I may have left a mallet, an awl, or a power drill lying around the bathroom somewhere. But better than finding a great toilet-seat-removing-tool, I found something that would allow me to actually extricate my finger from said toilet seat. I found nail polish remover.

This is why it is a good idea to live with a woman. If you should ever find yourself glued to a toilet seat on a Sunday night, chances are pretty good that you will be able to free yourself without losing any blood.

Bye for now.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 10th, 2002 at 10:18 pm and is filed under Funny. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.