Tactical Maneuvering
I was working today. On a lovely Saturday, I was stuck with another unfortunate coworker indoors working on computer equipment. This, I felt (and still feel), was a great injustice. Who wants to be stuck inside working under fluorescent light all day on a beautiful day like today, when one could be sitting around in one’s boxer shorts in one’s apartment playing video games and eating potato chips? It’s the principle of the thing.
Anyway, whilst wearily whiling away the weekend working, I happened to overhear a discussion my coworker was having with an employee of our client. Said employee was inquiring as to when the Internet connectivity to the office would be restored. When informed that the project was scheduled to last throughout the weekend, the employee laid on this guilt trip about all the work he had to do, and how none of it could be done until he could get onto the Internet. My coworker was very understanding, and reassured the employee that we would try our best to get things up as soon as possible.
“How tactful,” I thought to myself. I wondered what I would have said in the same situation. I like to think that I would have answered the same way. However, I fear that I would have made my true feelings about the whole thing a bit more clear. Unfortunately, in our society it seems that good manners and gentle speech are often misinterpreted. People tend to think that just because I didn’t tell them to “take a flying leap” that I am open to more whining, cajoling, offensive comments, and/or abuse.
I have a secret fantasy that I probably share with more than one of you. In this fantasy, I say exactly what I think in every situation. Talk about freedom. I can’t think of anything more liberating than throwing manners out the window and letting people know what I really feel. When I mentally indulge in this fantasy, I imagine my interpersonal interactions would go something like this:
Boss: “Justis, I need you to look into this. It’s high priority.”
Me: “Sure, let me just drop everything and work on your problem.”
Telemarker: “You have been selected (at dinnertime) to participate in this special offer!”
Me: “Have you no soul?!”
Whiny person: “Why is the Internet down again?”
Me: “I hate you.”
So, you see why I refrain from actually living out this particular fantasy. I too am a slave to civility and courtesy most of the time. I get the last laugh though. I sometimes invent code phrases for days when I’ve really had it. For example, when I say “I’ll see what I can do for you.” What I really mean is “I’ve had it with your whining, and I’ve just put you at the bottom of my priority list.” Give it a try sometime. It’s loads of fun. Next time your boss gives you some mundane task to waste all your time, just smile and say “I’ll get right on it!” Then enjoy the look on his/her face when you start giggling uncontrollably.
Bye for now.