Voodoo Time Dot Com

I know that a lot of you will disagree with me on this, but I’m going to discuss one of my favorite applications of modern technology. Draw what conclusions you will about this, but I think it’s great when technology means I don’t have to deal with people. OK - so it’s not really that I don’t ever want to deal with people. It’s just that in 2003 I think it’s great that I get to choose when I want to deal with people, and when I don’t.

I love that I can check my bank balance without talking to anyone. I love those automated call systems that let me push buttons rather than dealing with operators. I can plan a vacation without talking to a travel agent. It’s not that I have anything against travel agents, or that they don’t provide a useful service. It’s just that I’d rather do the searching myself and save all the pleasantries. And as for shopping… I almost never set foot in a mall.

Tonight I ordered a pizza… over the Internet. I built my pizza on a web page, and in about half an hour, someone brought it to my home. Until recently, I had to call for pizza using the telephone. Such transactions usually went something like this.

(phone rings several times)
Pizzeria Employee: Mumblemumblepizza, hold.
Me: (holding)
P.E.: thankmumbleholding, pickupordelivery…
Me: Delivery, please
P.E.: (silence)
Me: …
P.E.: …
Me: …
P.E.: yes?
Me: Ah… I have a coupon for a large two-topping pizza for $10.99. I’d like pepperoni and sausage.
P.E.: What size?
Me: Umm… the coupon is for a large pizza
P.E.: Large pepperoni?
Me: …and sausage.
P.E.: Mumblemumblefourteenninetynine
Me: The coupon is for $10.99
P.E.: Coupon?

…and on and on. And as if that is not bad enough, I hear that people once had to order pizza in person and drive it home themselves.

Some people get nostalgic for those times. Apparently there is a section of the population that just wants to deal with people all the time. I can respect that - even though I can’t really understand it. I’m sitting here trying to come up with some sort of receptacle that receives the pizza from the delivery driver, so I don’t even have to open the door. Is that strange? Am I displaying latent agoraphobic tendencies when I consider shaving my head so I don’t have to go to the barber shop? There are only two topics of conversation in a barber shop - weather and sports. I’m no meteorologist. And admitting that I don’t follow sports… I might as well prance into the chair in a pink leotard.

Thank you for calling the barber shop.
For weather-related chit-chat, press one.
For sports talk, press two.
To get nicked in the ear by the razor while the barber is watching college basketball on the black-and-white TV, press three.
To conclude this blog entry, press four followed by the pound sign.

4#

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 19th, 2003 at 10:48 pm and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.