Certifiable
OK, so it’s been a week since my last entry. Yet again, I’ve managed to prove my complete inability to focus on what’s important in life - namely, coming up with inane and irrelevant things to write about and wasting everyone’s bandwidth. As usual, I don’t really have any explanation for my absence, but I assure you it is not related to terrorism.
So I got the news today that I am to pursue my MCSE certification. For the unfamiliar, MCSE stands for Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer. This basically means that I have to spend the next year studying like a medical student for the honor of taking seven exhaustively comprehensive exams. Should I succeed, I get the honor of a shiny lapel pin and a wallet-sized credential identifying me as some sort of Windows guru. In exchange for this, I must promise to be thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Also, I think I’m no longer allowed to disparage or malign Microsoft.
In addition to selling my soul, my employer also wants to indenture me for a year following my certification to ensure that I don’t skip out for a better offer once they’ve laid out the $150 per exam to get me certified. This all clearly confirms my assertion that I am less an employee than a well-paid slave. Still, the master feeds me and keeps me warm (if only just barely), which is more than I could claim during my brief period of unemployment last year. So, I shan’t complain… too much.
The problem lies in the fact that once I left college, I promised I would never again take another exam as long as I lived. So, I’m more than a little disgruntled at the idea of spending untold consecutive weekends huddled over ponderous books and tedious practice exams. Still, that shiny lapel pin distracts my thoughts and haunts my dreams. So I shall continue on - taking solace in the conviction that such majesty may - nay - will soon be mine. Buoyed by these giddiest of fancies, I fasten my backpack and propeller beanie and hit the books, singing - tearfully, earnestly…
To dream the impossible dream,
To fight the unbeatable foe,
To bear with unbearable sorrow,
To run where the brave dare not go…
Bye for now.