Voodoo Time Dot Com

So a couple of people noticed that I haven’t written anything here for a couple days (more or less), so I’ve been given orders to be funny immediately, or suffer unspecified consequences. Once in college, a friend of mine brought a girl around for me to meet. She was nice, but we weren’t exactly hitting it off. So my friend pulls me aside and whispers,

“Dude, I told her you’re funny. Say something funny!”

Oh… be funny! Silly me, I had just planned on telling her about the tragic lawnmower death of my favorite childhood pet. (That didn’t really happen – I’m just trying to be funny.) So I tried to be funny. I really wanted to be funny. It didn’t happen. Now we’re going to share a similar moment of awkwardness as I fail to be funny on command.

So…

I told you all yesterday that I was a little tied-up with a minor disaster at work. Disasters kind of take away my funny. There is really no non-technical way to describe what happened, but think of it this way. Have you ever tried to put a hat on a baby who didn’t want to wear a hat? The hat is the right size for the baby, and it goes so well with the baby’s little outfit and everything. But everytime you put that hat on the baby, the baby just rips it off and starts chewing on it – or throws it to the ground.

Dammit, baby! Why won’t you wear the hat? It’s so cute, and it keeps the sun off your head, and out of your eyes!

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been wrestling with for over a week. The baby is our web server running Microsoft’s IIS. The hat is an applications server called Tomcat that, among other things, allows IIS to serve Javascript pages. If you don’t know what that means, here’s what happened: The baby took a crap, so I had to clean it up. Then once I changed the diaper, and the outfit was all snapped up nicely, the damn baby wouldn’t wear the hat. The hat was made specifically for the baby, but the baby wouldn’t wear it. After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, I found out that the baby will only wear the hat if I put it on in a very unintuitive and complicated way. It took forever to find out all of this, but at least the baby is finally wearing the hat.

This is why I have no children.

Bye for now.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 6th, 2003 at 9:12 pm and is filed under Funny. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.