On Tuesday, I learned a painful lesson about growing older. I have a sunburn… on my head.
I’m one of those lucky guys who began battling male-pattern baldness at about 21 years of age, and now at 26, the end of the battle is near, and the reinforcements have not arrived. So I’m in that period of awkward hair styles where there’s just nothing I can do to make things any better, and I still haven’t gotten drunk enough yet to shave it all off.
Anyway, I ate lunch al fresco on Tuesday in beautiful, and very sunny Santa Monica. When you’ve had hair all your life, there are things you never think about. One of these things is UV protection for your scalp, as this is arguably the most utilitarian feature of hair. Just one hour in the midday Southern California sun changed all that for me in a hurry. After such brutal punishment from our neighborhood star, hats are the order of the day from now on. But in the meantime my head is red and painful. Soon it will be itchy and flaky, and I’ll look as if I have the mange – which is cool in its own countercultural way, I suppose. I mean… who gets the mange?
And now, on to the matter of my mid-life crisis. If I’m going to lose my hair early, I might as well get the earring and sportscar out of the way too. And when all you other guys are having your respective crises around 50, I’ll have had mine over twenty years ago. By then I’ll already be well-adjusted in my snappy driving cap, waiting to welcome you all to the club with a scotch and soda.
Bye for now.
Shit, I’ve been hoping I’d go bald by 30.
No such luck.
If you can figure out a way for us to trade, let me know. I’d love to have an excuse to keep my head shaved.
J. Sorry I didn’t warn you about what happens when you go bareheaded in a summer sun. Took me a number of times before I got smart enough to either wear a hat or use plenty of sun block.
G. P. KP
Who gets the mange, you ask? I did – 3 years ago from a mangey kitten!
No way! That is awesome, Terry! I mean, I hope you’re over it and everything… but I have never in my life heard of a person getting mange.
Wow… I learned something today.
So how do you get rid of it?
Justis: I got it by cuddling and feeding and mothering this tiny little kitten. After 12 days she was losing patches on her body… forehead, paws, ears, etc. And I was getting red patches and weird little itchy bites (yuck) all over me… so I brought her to the vet and the vet recoiled in horror, and that’s when I knew what the kitty had… from then on it was $35 worth of antibiotic creams for the humans ( my son and I ) and all the animals (2 dogs, 3 cats…)
Believe me it was gross.
Oddly enough, I’ve never quite gotten rid of it… each summer when it’s very hot and humid I get a rash on each wrist. Right where the mange started those years ago.
So… steer clear of adorable yet dirty kittens in back alleys. That’s my advice.
Bad kitten!!!
I wish I could’ve experienced it! It sounds so dramatic! I bet you felt wierd for quite a while. Do you ever get tingly feeling?