Voodoo Time Dot Com

I read a really boring article today about Vioxx and its possible side effects and it got me thinking of those drug commercials we see on television now. I don’t seem to remember those being around much before a few years ago. The weirdest thing is that they hardly ever tell you what the drug is actually for! All you see is people climbing mountains and canoeing and hugging their grandkids. Sign me up! I’d like to climb a mountain and float a canoe down some scenic river. I don’t have any kids (ergo, no grandkids), but heck, I’ll find someone else’s grandkids to hug if that’s what it comes down to.

And is it just me, or are those commercials getting more and more like perfume ads? You know the ones where everything is in black and white except for some little kid holding a flower? And then there’s a bunch of fog and the kid shouts something in italian… and it’s all supposed to be very profound in a way that makes you think that if you buy this perfume the stupid commerical might come together for you. Well now these drug commercials are like this. The most popular one right now has a bunch of middle-aged people in black turtlenecks standing on the edge of weird moving cliffs while they go on about “Today’s Purple Pill.” What’s with the imagery? It’s not even visually exciting! Put them on mountain bikes or something - like in Mountain Dew commercials. I’ve got the whole standing around thing pretty much down; I don’t need a drug to help me do that.

The worst part, hands down, is the side effects. They’re usually the most uncomfortable and embarrassing things that ever happen to our bodies: Diarrhea, vomiting, nausea, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, no blood pressure, night sweats, lockjaw, sensitivity to light, moderate to severe itching, nose-bleeds, insomnia, narcolepsy, dry mouth, wet nose, spontaneous combustion, and of course the infamous and vague Sexual Side Effects.

The best one was for some drug I can’t remember, and the side effects went something like: “[Insert drug name here] has a low occurrence of side effects which include frequent bowel movements, the strong urge to have them, and the inability to control them.” Wow. So, I’m going to take this drug to “get better”, and in the meantime I’m having to poop all day, and it’s a toss up as to whether I’ll even make it to the bathroom in time.

It’s really bizarre what we’ll live with just so we can keep on living.

Bye for now.

This entry was posted on Friday, April 12th, 2002 at 4:48 pm and is filed under Weird. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.